September 5th

September 5 is the 249th day of the year.  There are 117 days remaining until the end of the year.

1839 The First Opium War begins in China. It ends in a stalemate for obvious reasons.

1877 Southern black "Exodusters", led by Pap Singleton, start ho-in’ in Kansas

1882 10,000 workers march in 1st Labor Day parade in New York City

1906 St. Louis University's Bradbury Robinson (R)  makes 1st legal forward pass to his lover Jack Schneider. Off the football field, a forward pass will still get your ass kicked.

1945 Iva Toguri D'Aquino, a US citizen suspected of being wartime radio propagandist Tokyo Rose, is arrested in Yokohama.

1960 Cassius Clay is awarded the gold medal for his first place in the light heavyweight boxing competition at the Olympic Games in Rome.

1961 President Kennedy signs law against hijacking (death penalty) which seems a little harsh for a few minutes of outdoor self-pleasuring in the thin atmosphere

1972 11 Israeli athletes are slain at Munich Olympics by terrorists

1975 Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme attempts to assassinate President Gerald Ford in Sacramento

1978 Menachem Begin and Anwar Sadat begin their clandestine love affair at Camp David, Maryland, and call it a "peace process" instead of the "penis process" it actually is. Here they compare their circumcisions.

1991 Actor John Travolta weds Kelly Preston. I hope she commits that pre-nup to memory!

2005 John G. Roberts is nominated for hawt Chief Justice of the Supreme Court

1915 Jack Buetel [Warren Higgins], maybe gay US actor famously screwed by Howard Hughes for his performance in The Outlaw 

1946 Freddie Mercury [Farrokh Bulsara], bisexual Zanzibaran lead singer of Queen/AIDS victim 

1967 Mark Wolff, gay Canadian pornographic actor  

1968 Nino Bacci, gay Canadian pornographic actor  

1968 Brad Wilk, US drummer for Rage Against the Machine/Audioslave  ("R" above)

1969 Dweezil Zappa, US musician/Frank's kid 

1970 [Jack] Steve Burton, US actor 

1974 Ernesto Calzadilla, maybe gay Venezuelan model/actor/Mr. Venezuela 1998/Manhunt International 1999 

1975 [John Paul] JP Calderon, gay US volleyball player/Survivor contestant/model 

1976 Dimitrios Mazis, Greek Olympic water polo player

1977 Felix Gomez, Spanish actor 

1981 Filippo Volandri, Italian tennis player 

1984 Marc Baget, French rugger/Dieux Du Stade model 

1987 Pierre Rainier Stefano Casiraghi, Monegasque businessman/humanitarian/nephew of Prince Albert

1566 Suleiman I, the Magnificent, Great Law Giver, sultan of Turkey (1520-66), ain’t so special anymore

1877 Crazy Horse [Tashunka Witko], last great Sioux war chief, gets stoned

1997 Blessed Teresa of Calcutta [Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu], maybe gay take no prisoners Albanian nun (Nobel laureate,1979), may not be a beauty but is beatific

2007 Thomas Hansen, maybe gay Norse musician, is comin’ home

Beetle Bailey’s sister is Lois Flagston from the comic strip Hi and Lois

It is David Walliams pantsing Mark Ronson